Unsent letter # 2

Someone,

You weren't a dear to me, but I always wanted to write a letter to you,
            
            someone whom I thought would be a dear to me.

Thank you.

For believing in me.
For bringing out a part of me that brings the best out of me.
I don't know if you know how much of a fearful person I am despite your image of me being strong and independent. 

Maybe you what brought you to notice me was that,
                 my strength hidden in fear and weakness.


Thank you.

For the conversations that stirred my mind.
For the dialogues and questions of mine that you entertained.
For the intellectual guidance that you freely gave to me.
For your hugs? (My memories are fading as I try to recall).


I thought that you would be a dear to me.
But no.

The last awkward hug that we had as you asked me the question that everybody always greeted me with said otherwise.

I thought that I would be a dear to you.
But no.

I was just someone.
   
                     Someone that you were curious about.

It's weird how I still think what could have happened if I stayed. 
But I'm still glad that I didn't.
Because if I did, then our friendship would be just imaginary. 

A friendship built on something that wouldn't last.


I hope that somehow, someway, I have planted a seed in your heart. 
I hope that it somehow grew and helped you in your search for the Lover of your soul.
I hope that you'll find Him too.


Thank you.
Please tell that to your person too.
He believed in me too.
I hope that both of you weren't disappointed when I left.

I'll admit that I had my regrets and frustrations with my decision. 

But I'm sorry.
My Home is somewhere else.
It's in Someone's presence.

So thank you but,

Good bye.



Sincerely,

A.N. Caelus

Unsent Letter #1

Dear,

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry if I can't be strong for you.
I' sorry if I can't give you as much light as I can to pull you out of the darkness you are feeling.
I'm sorry if I'm too weak to carry the weight upon your heart and soul.
I'm sorry if I'm also in chaos to help you keep your life organized.
I'm sorry if I can't answer all of your questions because I also ask the same questions that you have.
I'm sorry if instead of smiling for you I also end up crying.

But don't worry.
Our Dad is there to do what we cannot do for each other.

He can be the Light in this darkness that we're in.
          He is the light.
He can carry our pain.
         Look at the cross.
He can give us peace.
         Remember how the sea became calm at His command?
He can give us answers.
         He is the answer.
He can give us joy.
         He is the only source of joy.


I know that you feel like dying even when you're living.

                     That's what I also feel every day when I wake up and when the day ends.

But,

Don't forget that He died so that we may live.

Don't ever ever forget that.
Always cling to that truth.


I know that sometimes you think that people just give you empty words and promises that will be broken at some point.


And I won't lie to you;
                         some people do.
Some.
Not all.

So please believe the best in people.
Believe that they do, deep in their heart, care and love you.

And please.

Believe in yourself too.

You're not what the lies in your mind tell you that you are.
You are loved.
Greatly loved.


Don't you dare say that you're not because you are.
Please don't forget the cross.
Please remember it as the child you would.

Don't forget to be you-- the child you.

Smile. Believe. Love.
With all your heart.

Because that's the you that I know and see.

Don't let the pressures of "adulting" take away you.

Dear?
           Go be a child.



Love,

A.N.Caelus

"I'm Here"

"Im all alone."

"No one will ever love me."

"Why did this have to have to happen to me?"

"I can never be forgiven."

Grief. Pain. Fear.

Darkness is present."




"You don't understand me. No one will ever understand what I'm feeling."

  "I'm dirty."



A chaos. A mess.
                    That's what you think you are.

Darkness creeps in.


Lost. Helpless. Numb.
      
             You wrap yourself into your own cocoon of self-pity

"I'm worthless."

Down you go in this downward spiral of thoughts and feelings.




Silence screams for help.

Darkness covers you.
Blind. Deaf. Paralyzed.

You want it to end.
You can't take it anymore.
You're living but you feel like you're dying.









Tears stream down your cheeks like a river.
Your cry for help turned into a

               "Why?"


Your emotion turned into anger.
Into frustration.
Into blame.
Towards yourself.
Towards people.
Towards God.

But,
     in the end,
                 you cried for help again.

"Shhh"
       "I'm here"

says the    Light.



"I was here all the time, my dear.
                                    Open your eyes."

It's not the end.
The Light is present. Always.
Let Him in.
Let Him embrace you.
Don't lose hope for        He is your hope.


Open your eyes and see how He cares for you.
Open your ears and hear His message of grace.
Open your heart and experience His love.


Look at the cross and know that
          
                                He died just so that you may live.

You are His beloved.

That's who you are.

You are never alone.
                       He is here. Always.

A Letter

To the most adorable dog in the world (as every pet owner tells their pet),

I am writing a letter to you.

You have been with me for 3 months so far and yet you have already tamed me. Not only me but Dad, Mom, and Atsi too. I never thought that the grumpy Rio who didn't like pets would end up hugging you long and tight today. 

Do you know how you ended up being part of my life?

You are a gift. A very precious one from a person very dear to me.

That person made "uncle scrooge" Rio start liking dogs. (I'm sorry I still don't like cats). That person gave you to me. 

Do you know how much I prayed that you will survive and live? You and your siblings always got sick and three of your siblings died. Your first tamer and I were worried that you might not make it. But by faith, we prayed and believed that you will be alive and healthy.

And here you are now.

Do you know how you ended up with your name? I wanted to name you Little Prince to remind me not to forget what it's like to be a child even if I'm growing up. But Dad, Mom, and Atsi didn't approve of it since it was too long and common for them. Dad suggested Ascof since you kept on coughing during the time where we first visited you. I disapproved of it arguing that your cough will be gone away soon. So we thought about Aslan or Simba, but you didn't seem like them. Milo was also a choice since your future-wife-to-be is Kida, but I disapproved of that as well. Atsi and Dad suggested of Percy and Atsi and I agreed that your full name will be Persimmon (yes, not Perseus. Yes, not Persi).

I have a lot of thank yous to give you and I'm going to enumerate each of it now through this letter.

Thank you for showing me your "fortress" on your first day in out home. I was crying and I don't remember exactly what was the reason but I knew it was related to my person. You went inside the bedroom where I was crying, barked, and ran outside as if to say "Follow meeee". And there your fortress was with your proud, happy face beaming at me. I still have not tamed you and you still have not tamed me, but I appreciated what you did to make me smile.

Thank you for hiding behind my back and licking me when you know that I'm sad. Even if you end up falling asleep while listening to me spill, thank you for still being there for me. 

Thank you attempting your best to come near me when I call you when you're sleepy. You try your best to follow me around and stay close to me even if your body is telling you to stop and sleep. Seeing your effort makes me laugh and I end up going to you to hug you. 

Thank you for licking my tears away. Like that time that I was reading a box full of letters for my birthday, you licked my whole face and made me smile while crying. And that night where you cried as well because I was crying. You even stood up just to reach my face and lick away my tears. It's weird how you know when I'm crying. I'm sorry if I worried you with my coughs and tears.

Thank you for waking me or Dad up in the wee hours of the night because you know that we'll be disappointed when we wake up to find your mess lying around. 

Thank you for spending time with me. I enjoy it when we play hide-and-seek and chase each other around in the yard or anywhere.

Thank you for being a good dog when Dad and I take you to bath and when I give you your vitamins.

Thank you for understanding that you can't eat my favorite popcorn and that you have to be content with one bottle of yakult. 

Thank you for just being there for me. I wish you can always stay by my side. And although you like spending time with Dad, Mom, Atsi, and Mum too, I'll be secured in knowing that at the end of the day, you'll still choose me.

Thank you for bearing my long and tight hugs. I was surprised that you hugged me twice the other night. I needed that at that time so thank you very much.

Percy? Please know that I love you and I miss you a lot when you're not there (I even get Percy-sick sometimes). Please also know that I learned to be more patient, joyful, caring, and loving because of you. I mostly learned it during the times when you would cry because you can't sleep without someone beside you or when you want someone to wake up and play with you. So please continue to help me develop my character, okay? Remind me that what is essential is invisible to the eye. 

Thank you my Little Prince.

P.S. Please don't bite Mr. fox's snout. He's your frieeend not your toy.

Love,

Your Person.

What is Love?

Dedicated to my parents' 25th wedding anniversary. 

Honoring speech.

xoxoxo

What is love? 

Today is the celebration of the 25 years of marriage of both of you and I think that this question is very timely to ask. What is the thing that binds both of you for 25 years? What is love?

Let me tell you how both of you answered this question of mine.

Love is waking up early to prepare our breakfast and baon.

Love is bringing us to our school/office and fetching us afterwards even if you know that you'll have to to through traffic.

Love is giving your share of food even if you want to have it for yourself.

Love is embracing us in comforting silence when you know that we're sad, stressed, or both.

Love is spontaneously saying "Dali Mang Inasal tayo!" or "Bili tayo turon at lumpia" to me.

Love is waiting for Mom even if matagal ka talagang maghihintay. Yung 10 mins. lang daw pero x3 pala.

Love is wanting to give the best for us.

Love is looking into the interests of others before yourself.

Love is being empathetic.

Love is deciding that your presence is more needed than the fruit of your labor abroad.

Love is rebuking Ate and I when you know that we did something that we ought not to.

Love is making us smile when we're down and tired. Kasi ikaw yung joke hahaha.

Love is going out of your way just to meet the needs of people.

Love is training us up in the way that we should go.

Love is an action. This is how I learned what love is from Dad.

Love is sharing Jesus to me.

Love is bring out the best in us.

Love is staying up late to help us with our problems regarding school and work.

Love is making time for the person even if you're busy.

Love is allowing yourself to be vulnerable (as C.S. Lewis said).

Love is singing us lullabies to sleep.

Love is taking a leave from your work to take care of us when we're sick.

Love is teaching us foundational principles that we will need in life.

Love is accepting us despite our flaws.

Love is intentionally engaging me in life and heart to heart talks.

Love is writing us letters.

Love is letting us learn something for our own benefit.

Love is never giving up on people even if they themselves feel so hopeless already.

Love is expressed through words and time. This is how I learned what love is from Mom.

But you know what, the things I just mentioned is not how I think both of you really answered my question regarding what love is. By showing Ate and I what love is, I learned that love is not a what...it's a Who. It says in John 13:34-35

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.””

You love because God loves. You love because God is love and you love Him so much that you want to honor God by reflecting Him in your lives. And if there's one thing that I'd like to thank both of you for, it's for allowing me to experience Love, to experience what real love is through my relationship in God. Thank you for showing me Who, not what, love really is by loving each other and others.

Both of you are not perfect, but you're the perfect fit to each other and the perfect fit to who Riona's parents should be. There won't be a Riona and Ate Bien if there wasn't a Daddy Bong and a Mommy Rose bound by God together. Yes the thing that binds the two of them together is God.

May both of you continue to love God with all your heart, soul, and mind and also love each other despite each one's imperfections until both of you meet God face to face.

Happy 25th anniversary Dad and Mom!

I love you.

Follow Me

(Matthew 7:13-14)
"Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few."

The narrow gate's way is hard but it leads to life. The wide gate's way is easy but in the end, it will lead you to destruction. The easy path is the path where "Okay, pray this prayer so that you might be saved" is the gate. The hard path is the path where " Come, follow Me" is the gate.

Follow Him.
Have you ever thought of what it truly means to be a Christian? Do you know that there are two types of Christians? One is the one who just prayed a prayer and went on with his life as if he didn't encounter something or Someone supernatural. This person may be attending church but he may just be professor. The other is the one who placed his faith on Jesus, decided to take up his cross and follow Jesus.You see, we have to be reminded that Jesus is not just a "means" or a transpo to heaven, Jesus is Someone who chose to mediate for us. He became a bridge to the gap between our broken relationship with God.

"Jesus is not simply an invitation to pray a prayer; it's a summon to lose our lives." --Follow Me by David Platt (p.4)

When we accept Him as our Savior, we also must accept Him as our Lord. The Gospel is not about going to a place, it's about entering a relationship with our Father and King. That means you're a princess and a daughter of the King of kings! But because our Father is our King and we are part of His kingdom, we ought to serve Him. And serving Him would mean that we FOLLOW HIM.

If we have really decided to follow Jesus then:

"--every single Christian-- eagerly, willingly, and gladly lose our lives to know and proclaim Christ, for this is simply what it means to follow Him." (p.5)

(Matthew 7:21)
"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven." 

What then or how then can we know the will of the Father?

(Romans 12:1-2)
"I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." 

So how can we know the will of God? By letting ourselves be transformed into Christ-likeness. How will we be transformed into Christ-likeness if we don't seek Him? If we don't follow Him closely?

Your response to the Gospel is not a one-time decision, it's a life-time decision.


What Following Him Really Means.

(Matthew 16:24-25)
"Then Jesus said to his disciples, 'Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it'."

What does it mean for us to take up our cross? It means that we take up the call to die to ourselves and to live in Christ. It means that we will follow Him whatever the cost is.

"The road that leads to heaven is risky, lonely, and costly in this world, and few are willing to pay the price. Following Jesus involves losing your life--and finding new life in Him." (p.11)

If you're an apple tree, you will bear apples and not oranges. In the same way, if you're a Christian, if you follow Him, if His seed is really planted in you, then what fruit will you bear? What fruit must you bear?

"If our lives do not reflect the fruit of following Jesus, then we are foolish to think that we are actually followers of Jesus in the first place...if someone gets hit by a Mack truck going seventy miles per hour, that person is going to look very different than he did before!" (p.16)

So how do you think we ought to look after being hit by the weight of the Gospel? 

"...once people truly come face-to-face with Jesus, the God of the universe in the flesh, and Jesus reaches down into the depth of their hearts, saves their souls from the clutches of sin, and transforms lives to follow Him, they are going to look different. Very different." (p.18)

Have you encountered Jesus and took up His call to take up your cross and follow Him? 






[This post is part of another blog-book series based on David Platt's "Follow Me"]

 

An Open Letter To You

"Oh look who's pretty and who's not."
"I'm fat and ugly."
"Nobody likes me."
"Why are they good at singing and dancing and I'm not?"
"No one cares."
"My hair is such a mess."
"I'm plain. What's unique about me? Nothing."
"Nobody will accept me."
"My teeth are crooked."
"They will never understand me."
"I just cringe every time I read what I write or see the painting that I created."
"I'm dumb and stupid while everyone else is smart and good at something."
"I hate myself."

Stop it. You. Yes you who keeps on saying these negative statements to yourself. STOP IT NOW.

Stop filling your mind with lies.
Stop pitying yourself.
Stop magnifying your flaws.
And don't ever say that you hate yourself just because you don't see any stroke of "beauty" in you.

You think people perceive you as ugly?
You think no one notices you?
You think no one will ever understand you?
You think no one cares about you?
You think you're no good?
You think not a single soul loves you?

Well guess what. You are wrong.
If you dwell on such kind of thoughts, then I guess you haven't heard of your love story yet.
Or maybe you have heard about it but you didn't believe that it was your love story.

I don't know if you know this but your love story is written in a love letter that has about 783,137 words [1].
I don't know if you know this but there's Someone who has been trying to catch your attention and did some pretty serious lengths just so that He can be with you.

Do you know that He died for you?
Do you know how hurt He feels whenever you are hurt?
Do you know that He embraces you when you're crying alone?
Do you know that he smiles whenever you're happy?
Do you know that He created the world for you?

Do you know how much He loves you?

You think you're ugly? Well, He thinks you're fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14)
You think no thinks about you? Think again because He thinks about you 24/7. (Psalm 139:17)
You think no one understands your problems? Hahaha, He knows what you feel even before you say what you're feeling. (Psalm 139:1-4). He knows how to sympathize because he experienced the it as well. (Hebrews 4:15)
You think you're plain and ordinary who won't be able to do anything extraordinary? Dear reader, He sees the potential in you. (1 Samuel 16:7)
You think no one hears your cries? Don't worry, He is close to the brokenhearted. (Psalm 34: 18) He can help you. (Psalm 40:1-2)
You hate yourself? Don't. Don't hate yourself because you think everyone hates you. Should I even repeat and say that He died for you because of His abundant love for you? (John 3;16)

Beauty is not dependent on what you wear or how you look. He does not care about your appearance because the heart is more important to Him. (1 Peter 3:3-4)

So stop crying out of self-pity as if the 783,137 word length of love letter for you does not exist.


[1] See https://wordcounter.net/blog/2015/12/08/10975_how-many-words-bible.html