A friend of mine told me to listen to "Nuvole bianche" by Ludovico Einaudi. After listening to it in youtube (that video with beautiful skies that accompanied the music), my heart just gradually melted as I not only listened to the music and gazed at the pictures but also saw a story behind it. I quickly wrote my heart's response to the music and here below is a story entitled, "Remember, Remember".
"Remember, remember."
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I stand by the picket fence with my eyes set upon the heavens, gazing upon the stars, catching the last of their twinkles from the dark evening sky. As the stars slowly fade from the dark blue hues while the streak of colours of the morning sky inches through from the heavens horizon, I started remembering her last words.
Am I ready for this? I breathe out the thoughts that held me back, then slowly closing my eyes, whispering to myself the very words that she whispered to me. "Remember, remember."
At a long and deep breath out I release the thoughts by slowly opening my eyes and seeing again the beauty of the sky before me.
"The sky, she loved the sky," I think out loud.
The misty fog that filled our surroundings; the setting of the sun that we watched when I took her to the lake; that moment when we tried to catch our breath as we gasped in awe of the glory of the mountain range enclave stretching beyond the endless green fields where we laid our feet on --- I remembered all these memories.
Street lights are now slowly disappearing in the town below.
She loved the stars. She loved the clouds. She really loved the sky. And I really loved her. She smiled when her eyes beheld the beauty of nature. I smiled whenever I saw her smile. She was always there in my journey through life. She would always tell me what to do and what not to do. She told me many great things and wonders in all seasons under the blue, green, indigo, violet, light blue, dark blue, grey, pink, peach, yellow, and orange skies.
"Remember its beauty. Remember its wonder. Remember to look above and gaze upon it. Remember all of these despite the fast-paced world that we live in. Remember, remember."
I remember I was seated on the porch with her in the evening dawn, and I intently looked at the cow at the other fence slowly chewing the grass. I remember looking how the fog slowly clearing up as the golden sunshine ascending at the backdrop of the mountain tops. I remember breathing in the cool morning air as we quietly watched the trees swaying from the mountain top. I remember seeing the glass panes of the windows left with moisture of breath marks of the evening mists.
I remember how I walked with her through the vineyard and she told me about the parable of the workers in the vineyard. I told her that I didn't understand the merit of the parable and she purposely explained it to me. I listened with intent. She taught me that the message of that parable was to be content and to trust Him who has called us to follow Him, above all else. At that very moment, my inner eyes were suddenly cleared off with the misty fog of worldly desires.
The sun is now halfway up and softly shining over everything under. I walk silently along the fence and I continue to reminisce about those precious moments that I had with her.
"Treasure every moment while you still can, for the day will soon end quickly without you noticing it. Time is valuable; lost time can never be replaced. Though storms and misty fogs may cloud your day, remember that they shall pass away in time." She told me lovingly as we continued to bask under the sun during an afternoon breeze. "Grey skies will come, but bright skies will come anytime soon. Don't let those grey skies cloud your vision. Acknowledge the moment with everything in it, but choose not to get affected with misery, restlessness, or grief, instead, wait expectantly for the bright skies with a cheerful countenance."
The shadows of the trees are dancing around me as the mantel of morning glory continues to ascend through those beautifully painted slopes. I am standing in front of that old car that I used to drive her to places that made her eyes twinkle and her face gleam. I remember each passing day and every moment that I had with her.
She loved the mountains. She loved the quiet waters of the lake. She loved the dancing autumn leaves that would flutter about whenever there was a gush of wind. I remember how she would laugh and twirl as she imagined the wind breathing a song. Her childlike glee masked her age and she appeared to be youthful.
I remember how the day would then end and how she would bid me to go to bed and sleep, but she will wake me up an hour before the sun rises so that we may gaze upon the evening stars handshake with the glorious morning star.
I shut my eyes and tears started to roll down my cheeks.
Gazing at the now-blue morning sky, I keep asking why. "Why must You take her away? Why must You break my heart into pieces and take her away the moment that I learned contentment, joy, peace, and simplicity in life?" I sob and fall into my knees as I continue to remember my memories with her.
"You will know that you have learned these things by heart when you have them despite the circumstances taking them away from you."
And then I realize. I think I have already learned to be content, joyful, and be at peace but the truth is, I haven't learned it yet.
Despite the heartache that I am now feeling and the tears that are now streaming down my cheeks, I choose to remember once more, savouring the memories in my mind.
The sun was rising when I woke up. I was excited with what we will be doing together for the day so I immediately dressed up and went downstairs. I was halfway through the stairs, but was surprised because I did not hear your usual morning hum so I quickly went to the kitchen to look for you. I got anxious for not seeing you there. I started to panic with negative thoughts as I kept searching for you in every corner of the house. Suddenly I heard a soft knocking from the front door and I quickly rushed to open it. There you were standing smiling softly as you greeted me good morning. In tears I rushed to embrace you for I thought for a moment that I have lost you. You assured me that you were there and I thought then that you will always be here.
Days gone by, and I noticed your smiles were turning weak and you ran out of your breath more often when you speak. You were slowly becoming feeble to the point that you need to sit down most of the time. I had to let you sit on a wheelchair and push you around when we had to go out to do our simple nature strolling like sky gazing and nature appreciation. Our frequent outdoor strolls began to drop as well because your physical energy was waning off. Your eyes started to grow dim and it didn't twinkle and smile as much as before. Though you continued to laugh and smile for me, I knew that something was about to happen that you hid behind those laughs and smiles that you put up. You told me that we would stroll outside to the vast fields and have a picnic while we gasp in awe of the mountains the following day but...it never happened.
Something did happen though.
An hour before the sun rose the following day, you were suddenly rushed to the hospital. And there I learned about the truth. That day was actually your last and you kept that from me.
As I sat beside you while you were on your hospital bed, you told me to remember everything you said and taught me. You told me to remember every color of the sky our eyes beheld. You told me to remember the billions of stars that we gazed upon. You told me to remember the morning and evening air that blew upon our faces. You told me to remember how the sun kissed our skin as we basked under it. You told me to remember how the trees swayed and how their leaves danced. You told me to remember all the stories and wisdom that you passed on to me every day. All my memories with you flashed before my eyes in a second.
That day as the sun returned to its home for the night, the sky was painted red. I remembered how you told me that a red sky meant that there was war and death. It was then that I truly believed you for that day you died, I also wrestled inside. I was torn in pieces between grief and remembering. How could I obey your last words to remember while I was soak with grief, loss and helplessness? But in those moments, I remember what you always said that everything is temporary and time passes quickly without you noticing it.
The sun has risen and the people in the town are now awake and ready for another day. My tears are now starting to dry up as I lean on to my old, rusty car.
"Promise me that you’ll remember all of these memories and capture them into your heart. But when you do take all of these memories once and for all, let go of me." She whispered to me softly.
"I promise to remember all of it including every detail of those memories, but why must I let go of you?" I replied while my ears were tearing up.
"Let go of me after you collected all those memories. If you don’t, the happy memories will only turn into sad ones. I want those memories to be my memento that would make you smile. I want those happy moments to continue even when I'm gone. By letting me go from your memories, you will know that you have learned true contentment, joy, and peace apart from me. You will know that it is not me after all that you needed but Him who created all our memories together, who will never leave you but will forever be with you in your journey, creating in you a succession of new memories day after day, moment by moment. So after you remember our memories, with a willing and grateful heart, let go of me." She smiled at me as she said this and held my hand.
"Remember, remember." And then she breathed her last.
I stand straight up and smile as I see the birds flying by flock. I hear the little birdies sitting on a nearby branch chirping sweetly. I smile seeing the leaves dance beneath the trees as a warm breeze embrace me tight. I look above the sky and stretch my hands upward while breathing in the fresh morning air. Tears have dried up, I exclaim a joyous sound.
"I remember all of it now. It took me a while to finally walk through every moment that I had with you. But now, I can let go of you. From this day on, I shall continue to make wonderful memories for you." I grin at the sky and imagine her looking at me through the clouds with her glorious smile.
"Thank you mom."
